Sustaining contact and pressure during penetration
In-and-out penetration is kind of like arriving to a party and then immediately leaving, over and over again. Certainly most penises love in and out friction—but what makes for even more pleasure for most women is when the penis, finger, or toy remains inside without thrusting, allowing pleasure to build from constant, uninterrupted stimulation.
Louise
“It's unbelievable”
Elle
“Without lifting up”
Kim
“Backwards and forwards”
For many women, the best way to increase pleasure is continuous clitoral stimulation—the kind that happens automatically when Staying In. Breaks in contact pause the stimulation and can have a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ effect. The longer the contact against the clit goes on, the more the pleasure can build and build.
Many women discover Staying In intuitively when on top during intercourse because they get delicious diffuse pressure from grinding the vulva and clit against their partner. Some partners still try to thrust in-and-out from beneath, so women have developed a counter-move: leaning forward and taking weight off the knees so all the weight is on the pelvis to keep the seal.
Jessica
“Lean into it”
When fingers go inside and rotate, the irregular pressure of the knuckles massaging the walls can be very pleasurable. A few fingers together can move so many ways, putting pressure on spots that toys and penises can’t (and check out Adding if you like this one.)
Here, the fingers remain inserted while the hand moves in a quick, side-to-side or up-and-down movement that causes a kind of “vibrating” motion. Pleasure builds on both the inside and outside, as the palm vibrates against the clitoris while the fingers give the same stimulation to the interior walls.
Someone wise once said Attraction + Obstacle = Excitement. And it’s often true. Couples report great pleasure from introducing rules or games like ‘who moves first?’ or ‘how slow can we go?’ With penetration all the way in, keeping constant contact, inevitably, one or the other can’t take it anymore and just HAS to move more. Another benefit of these games is they’re a fun way to introduce less stroking and more staying in.
Valerie
“Little by little”
The area just above the penis/strap-on stays in contact with the clit and the top of the penis stays in contact with the upper ridge of the vagina. That part serves as a pivot point and, instead of the focus being on moving in and out, it’s on rocking the area above the penis/ strap-on across the clit.
Just like Rocking, Rolling the hips in a circular motion is a great way to change things up from the old in and out. The area above the penis stimulates the clit in circular motions the whole time (which just happens to be a favorite motion for most clitorises - see Orbiting)
A favorite way to guide a partner to ‘stay in’ is wrapping legs around them and applying pressure. Like a bear hug that closes the gap and prevents in-and-out movement and gets all the lovely grinding against the clit. Genius! Play around with how high to wrap the legs till it works best.
Jane
“Holding on really tight”
Another beloved way to get the staying-in effect is to position the body so that the partner’s inner thigh is in constant contact with the vulva, while the penis/strap-on stays inside. Then moving in any direction OTHER than what pulls the penis/ strap-on in and out.
